Re-entry

When a NASA shuttle orbiter (may they rest in peace) returned to Earth, it blazed through the stratosphere at about 17,000 miles per hour. When the orbiter was about ready to land, the pilot deployed the landing gear and a parachute was deployed from the back to help it slow down safely.

My re-entry into work at Central felt a little like the blaze through the atmosphere with not enough parachutes and landing gear.

I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel ready to come back to Central. Sure I missed people but I felt unprepared for the fast pace of my work and the rush of Holy Week. I did things during that last week that I thought would make me feel ready. I prayed. I blogged. I reviewed what I learned and how I might have grown. I did yoga. I spent time with my husband.

It didn't seem to matter. I didn't quite feel ready but April 1 came anyway, and I plunged back in, ready or not. It was such a rush. My mutual ministry committee had graciously put up welcome back signs and people wore leis and name-tag signs welcoming me back. There were little sheep on the signs which said things like, "Aloha Pastor Lisa" and "Welcome back Shepherd Lisa!" I was given a corsage and a bouquet of flowers. There was a reception with goodies. People said kind words, offered me handshakes and hugs. It was fun and it was humbling.

It was Palm Sunday and we waved palm branches and raised hosannas. I celebrated communion at the second service, delighted that I remembered the words. I checked my email later and had trouble remembering how to get into Outlook Express.

I was tired that afternoon, overwhelmed by re-entry and the outpouring of love. I napped a bit, then Erik and I went to the Seder Meal at church that night.

A few hours later, I was overwhelmed by a chest cold, rattling cough, fever, body aches and headache. I spent the next couple of days in bed with what apparently was the flu. Erik got it a couple of days later and we're slowly recovering. We both still cough a lot and have very low energy. I've only been back to the office since Thursday. I spent both Thursday and Friday alternating working and napping. Today I finally did a very slow 4-mile run.

In retrospect (perfect vision!) I see that the emotional transition of sabbatical to work was probably a bit much for the rigors of Holy Week. I feel disoriented and out of the loop, and that was before I got sick. I also feel torn as people ask me to re-engage in various ministries, projects and upcoming plans. How much shall I say "yes" to? Should I start staying "no" more? Will this sabbatical change anything? Everything?

I'm writing this reflection on Holy Saturday and it's almost time to head over to church for the Easter Vigil service. I like the service, especially the part where we tell the stories from the Old Testament, using skits and funny readings. It's a fitting reminder, I think, of the journeys of God's people. Those stories are our stories, too, of course, stories of struggle, surprise, tragedy and great joy. Even though the main point of Easter is the risen Christ, it's good to stay with the journey a little longer. It reminds us that we're all a work in progress.