I opened the devotion book to that night's reading:
"I pray that I consider my sin and the sin of the world so that, sorrowful and broken, it might drive me to Christ." (or something like that!)
Ugh. Ponder my sinful nature. No thanks. My life's good. Why would I want to waste time feeling bad? I just couldn't get excited about this one.
I'm working through a devotional book from my spiritual director (To Walk With Christ). It's based on the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignagtius. Each week has a prayer focus, scripture readings and an encouragement to journal. Past weeks have asked me to ponder God's love for me and ponder the gifts of God in my life. These were fun; I just wasn't into feeling down about my sin.
A couple days later, I looked at the texts for Reformation Sunday, on which I'll preach. Romans 3:23: "Since all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Well, of course I know as Lutherans we recognize ourselves as saint-sinner. But I kept hearing in the back of my head the voice of a college friend who once told me, "You know, I don't really think of myself as a sinner."
So what's this about? Hubris? Pride? Dependency on my own gifts instead of God's? Worshipping the false idol of myself? Probably something in there is true. Douglas John Hall warns, for example, that sometimes we don't really love others, we love ourselves for pretending to love others.
I don't think I've quite answered this for myself, so I'm not going to leave you with the "right" answer, just ask the question again: How do I ponder my sinful nature in a real way when my life's good?
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